英语字幕来源：subscene.com 字幕翻译与制作：610/小年糕/CarolGao/LadyM/甜食/白羽黑鹭
消消气
嘿！ Hey!
- 看我找到啥了 - 哇哦 - Look what I got. - Wow.
我当年的棒球手套 噢我的小宝贝 My old glove. Oh, baby doll.
- 我八岁的时候得到的 - 哇哦 老哥 - I had this when I was eight years old. - Wow, man.
我的天哪 你知道我戴这个手套犯了多少错误吗？ Oh, my God. Do you know how many errors I made with this glove?
- 天 - 我就不该打内场 - Shit. - Never should have played the infield.
- 我也不知道为什么要打那个位置 - 是哦 老哥 - I don't know why I did. - Yeah, man.
游击手 我不能打游击手的位置 Yeah. Shortstop. I can't play short.
- 不行 - 我经常打完跑回家哭 - Nah. - I ran home, I'd go home crying.
打的每一场比赛 我都会犯错误 Making errors every, every time I played.
是哦 患有小儿麻痹症的话 打内场很难嗬 It's hard playing infield with polio, you know?
- 我没有小儿麻痹症 混蛋 - 有这种手套的小孩都得了小儿麻痹症的 - I don't have polio, asshole. - Every kid with those kind of gloves had polio.
不管了 你猜啥 我反正要扔了 Well, you know what? I'm throwing it out.
这些都要扔 真的是... Everything's going. My... I...
你敢相信我父母囤了这么多鬼玩意儿吗？ Do you believe all this shit my parents saved?
我打算全扔了 受不了 I'm getting rid of all of it. I can't stand it anymore.
可以把它们丢到一家养老院去 Should drop this shit off at a nursing home.
- 噢 瞧瞧这是啥 - 噢 操了 - Oh. Look at this thing. - Oh, fuck.
- 我妈的貂皮披肩 - 天 - My mother's mink stole. - Shh...
- 噢 她爱死这件披肩了- 哇哦 - Ooh, she loved this stole. - Wow.
- 真他妈漂亮 - 嗯 这件我不能扔 - Fuckin' beautiful. - Yeah. I can't throw this out.
我拿去干洗店 I'm sending it to the dry cleaner.
这款式现在又重回时尚了 Those are making a big comeback, too.
- 重回时尚吗？ - 是的 - Comeback? - Yeah.
我给你说 穿这种披肩的人 See, when they wore those things,
都是上层社会的人 他们言行举止都有一种韵味 ladies and gentlemen carried themselves a certain way.
男人会叫女人"亲爱的" 比如"嘿 亲爱的" All the, all the guys called the ladies "toots." "Hey, toots."
然后女人会发出"噗噗哺嘟"的声音 "噗噗哺嘟" and the girls would go "Poo-poo-be-doop" "Poo-poo-be-doop"
- 过去那个年代就是这样 - 那是什么意思啊？ - That's how they did it back in the day. - What does that even mean?
- 她们为什么会说"噗噗哺嘟"？ - 可爱呗 - Why would they say, "Poo-poo-be-doop"? - It's a cute thing.
让男人心生欲火 "噗噗哺嘟" It gets a rise out of guys and shit. "Poo-poo-be-doop"
那会让你心生欲火？如果一个女人在那儿说... That would get a rise out of you? A woman going,
- "噗噗哺嘟"？ - 那他妈当然会了 - "Poo-poo-be-doop"? - Fuck, yeah.
如果我生活在四十年代 然后一位女士说"噗噗哺嘟" If I lived in the fuckin' '40s, and some girl would say "Poo-poo-be-doop".
我就会明白我要和那个女士厮混了 I'd know I'm tappin' that ass.
啊 杰夫发的短信 Ah. A text from Jeff.
他有个... 你知道克莱夫欧文吗？杰夫当上他的经纪人了 He's got... You know Clive Owen? He's a new client?
- 知道 知道 - 他的剧在预演 - Yeah, yeah. - He's in previews now,
我今晚要去看 一出独角戏 and I'm going to his show tonight. It's a one-man show.
- 我爱死那家伙了... - 是 好像讲的他困在海上的故事啥的 - I love that motherfucker... - Yeah. He's like lost at sea or something.
噢 杰夫激动得很 因为 你懂的 Oh, Jeff's very excited, 'cause, you know,
克莱夫欧文 大明星 签下他很厉害的 he signed Clive Owen, he's a big deal.
超大的明星 克莱夫欧文 真的 Big fuckin' deal, man. Clive Owen, man.
- 我爱死那家伙了 - 我去开门 - I love that fuckin' dude, man. - Let me get that.
好的 All right.
想想就激动 Must have been nice.
能在过去那个年代和那种女士厮混 Tappin' that ass back in the days.
黑白胶片的时代 Fuckin' in black and white.
嘿 拉里 有你的包裹 Hey. Larry. Got a package for you.
噢 谢谢 Oh. Thanks.
祝你有愉快的一天 Have a nice day.
- 嘿 - 今天事情好多 - Hey. - Trying to work me today, man.
我有一件秘密寄送的包裹 I got a package from discreet shipping.
那他妈的会是啥？ The fuck could that be?
- 哦天哪 - 充气娃娃 - Oh, shit. - An inflatable sex doll.
- 哇哦 - 哈？是你干的好事吗？ - Wow. - Huh? Is this your handiwork?
不是 这东西对我来说太过时了 Nah. That shit is old-school.
长得跟《还珠格格》里的紫薇似的 That's like Mary Ann from fuckin' Gilligan's Island.
哦 你猜谁送给我的？弗莱迪冯克豪瑟 Oh. You know who sent this? Freddy Funkhouser.
马蒂同父异母的兄弟 It's Marty's half-brother.
- 那个杂种为什么送你... - 我不知道 - Why would the motherfucker send you... - I don't know.
- 这算啥？搞笑吗？ - 嗯 - What is this? Is this a joke? - Yeah.
这也是个过时的笑话了 老哥 It's an old-school joke right here, man.
新的一代产品 脖子那里用的压敏材料 The new ones, they got one that's sensitive around the fuckin' neck.
你如果愿意 你还可以在她脖子上留下吻痕呢 You could put hickeys on that motherfucker if you wanted to, man.
- 我很高兴有人在做这种改进 - 你是该高兴 那新技术棒极了 - I'm glad they're working on it. - You should, it's fucking fabulous.
嘿 帮我个忙 把这个扔了 好吧？然后这房子... Hey, do me a favor. Get rid of this, okay? And this place...
- 发生什么了？ - 乱成狗样了 哥 - What's happened to this place? - Fuckin' mess, man.
- 乱死了 - 是 - It's a mess. - Yeah.
- 那你把这包东西扔了 好吧？ - 哈哈哈 - So just throw this box out, will ya? - Ha-ha-ha.
- 你能做好这事儿吗？哈？ - 交给我吧 老哥 - Will you take care of that? Huh? - I got it, man.
- 我帮你丢掉这玩意儿 - 谢谢了 - I'll get rid of this shit for you. - Thank you.
拉家拿铁 即将开业 更低价格！ 桌子不摇！ 硬司康饼！
- 所以 厕所在那边 - 是 对 - So, bathroom's gonna be over there. - Yeah. Yep.
- 两个小便器 - 嗯嗯 - Two urinals. - Mm-hmm.
我关于小便器有很多创意 I got a lot of ideas for the urinals.
- 你想重新设计小便器？ - 是的 我正有此意 - You wanna redesign a urinal? - Yeah. Exactly.
尿溅得到处都是 地上也有积液... 这些问题必须解决 The splashing, the puddles... That has to be eliminated.
- 是个大问题 嗯 - 是吧 - It's a big issue. Yeah. - Okay.
我想的呢 就是 What I wanted, I want
- 做两个这么大的墩子 - 嗯 - two planks about this wide. - Okay.
- 走上去 走到小便器前面... - 你想要比地面高的墩子？ - Going up, you walk up to the urinal. I'm walking... - You want it elevated?
- 是 有高度的墩子 脚永远不用沾地 - 嗯 - Elevated planks. Your feet never touch the ground. - Right.
- 为啥呢？ - 因为地上有积液啊 - Why? - That's where the puddles are.
那有人又尿到墩子上了呢？ What if they get urine on the planks?
嗯 那也不会发生 Well, that can't happen,
因为这个 because of this.
这 我的朋友 就是尿箱 That, my friend, is the pee cube.
- 尿箱？ - 是的 - The pee cube? - Yes.
你尿到这个箱子里 然后连着一个向下疏通的泄槽 You pee into the cube, and there's a chute that goes down.
也许 我们可以搞个... 造一个抽气机啥的 Maybe we can get a... create a vacuum or something,
把尿直接抽到泄槽里 sucking the urine down the chute.
- 那做两个这样的？ - 是 - And then, so, two of these? - Yeah.
然后在旁边 我再放两三个坐便器 对吗？ And then on the other side, I'll put two or three floor toilets. Correct?
不 不加马桶 No, there's no toilets.
这里不准大便 There's no defecation here.
那如果有顾客进来想要大便... If a customer comes in here and does want to defecate...
- 嗯 - 你准备怎么办呢？ - Mm. - What do you expect them to do?
- 让他们去别的地方大便 - 哦 那... - I expect them to go some place else. - Okay. So...
听着 这家店不准大便 Look, there's no defecation in the building.
你想让我做一个让人没法大便的马桶吗？ You want me to make it so they can't?
你可以做那种的吗？ Could you do that?
我可以加一个传感器 可以探测到鸡鸡的 I could put a sensor on there that detects a penis.
- 你可以叫它 鸡鸡探测器 - 真的？ - A little, um, penis sensor, if you will. - Really?
我们可以给它接一个声音输出 We can make it voice-activated. It'll go...
嘟嘟嘟 "探测到鸡鸡" 呼 Doot-doot-doot. "Penis detected." Woot.
门就开了 上完小便之后 The door will open up, and then once the man is done,
嘟嘟嘟 呼地一声 门又关了 doot-doot-doot. Woot. Slide down.
- 棒极了 - 你好 拉里 - That's terrific. - Hello, Larry.
我来给你介绍一下特德丹森先生 I'd like to introduce you to Mr. Ted Danson.
丹森先生刚刚成为 Mr. Danson has just become
我们乔家摩卡最新的 the newest financial backer
经济赞助人 of Mocha Joe's cafe.
哇噻... Well...
你觉得你能打赢这场战役吗？李将军 You think you're up for this fight, General Lee?
- 能 - 能吗？ - Yeah. - Yeah?
能 我期待着能和你这个敌对商店形成敌对关系 Yeah. I'm gonna look forward to spiting your spite store.
- 你确定你要来掺和这事儿？ - 是的 非常确定 我简直斗志昂扬 - You sure you wanna get into it? - Yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm highly motivated.
那 我得说 我要没记错的话 Well, I do declare. As I recall,
李将军是战败者呀 General Lee was a loser.
- 咱们走 丹森先生 我觉得我们该说的已经说了 - 嗯嗯 - Let's go, Mr. Danson. I think we've said enough. - Yeah.
又是一周没有风了 Another week without wind.
出航以前 我的生活需要春风带来一种意义 Before this journey, my life was bereft of the wind of purpose.
如今我的人生终于有了意义 但风却消失了 Now I have the purpose, but without the wind.
现在我感受不到白天 感受不到黑夜 Now there are no days, no nights.
- 只能感受到无尽地拍打船只的海浪 - 哇噻 - Just the relentless slap of the wave. - Wow.
- 他好厉害 演得好棒 - 我孤身一人 - He's great. Really great. - I am completely alone.
连我的鹦鹉罗瑞塔都死去了 Even my parrot Lorita has perished.
我把我最后的希望和信物交给大海 I give my last will and testament to the waves,
这不会为我哭泣的大海 who refuse to weep with me.
我的墓志铭将被刻在浪花上 My final epitaph written in the froth and the foam.
- 观众都哭起来了 - 再见了 康提基号 - People are just sobbing. - Goodbye, Kon Tiki.
讲真 克莱夫太厉害了 我很喜欢那场演出 Really. Clive was so good. I really loved the show.
我真的喜欢 我不是...我不是随便说说 I really did. I'm... I'm not just saying that.
- 嗯 我看得出来 我也很喜欢 - 是吧 - No, I can tell. I loved it, too. - Yeah.
是一场很棒的演出 观众都在抽泣 It was a great show. People were sobbing.
对于戏剧演员来说 听到哭声 To a dramatic actor, hearing sobs must be the same
相当于喜剧演员听到笑声吧？ as a comedian hearing big laughs, right?
- 我觉得应该是 - 帮我个忙 - I would think so. - Do me a favor?
- 嗯？ - 告诉他 告诉他我多喜欢这场演出 - Yeah? - Tell him, tell him how much I liked it?
我有个更好的主意 I got a better idea.
你告诉他你多喜欢这场演出 You tell him how much you liked it.
哦 不不 别呀 别...你非得这么做吗？ Oh, no, no. Don't do that. Don't... You're doing that?
- 拨通了 拨通了 - 我不敢相信你要这么搞我 - Ringing. Ringing. - I can't believe you're doing this.
你这是做啥呢？ What are you doing?
嘿 我是克莱夫 Hey, it's Clive here.
嗯 请留言 谢谢 Um, please leave a message. Thanks.
哦 嘿 克莱夫 我是拉里大卫 杰夫的好朋友 Oh, hey, Clive. This is, uh, Larry David, a good friend of Jeff.
我昨晚看了你的演出 Uh, I saw the show last night.
我非常喜欢 嗯 干得不错 I really enjoyed it. Uh, good job.
- 这就对了 谢谢你 - 玛蒂尔达？ - There you go. I appreciate that. - Matilda?
- 苏西女士 - 哦！ - Miss Susie. - Oh!
- 你把餐巾都熨了！ - 是的 - You ironed the napkins! - Yes.
我他妈惊了！你太棒了 Jesus fucking Christ, you're amazing!
我还把你洗好的衣物按颜色和款式分类收好了 And I folded your laundry by color and style.
今天我去把你的化妆的各种刷子清理一下 And today I'm gonna clean your makeup brushes.
你要去清理我化妆的刷子 You're gonna clean my makeup brushes.
我的天啊 Oh, my God.
你真他妈是个圣人！ You're a fucking saint!
我爱这女孩儿 她太棒了 I love this girl. She's amazing.
我跟你讲 她积极且主动 I'm telling you, she takes initiative.
我从来没有过一个这样的保姆 I've never had a housekeeper that does this.
我可真嫉妒啊 I am so completely jealous.
- 为啥？ - 我家呗 你晓得…我家里一团乱 - Why? - My house is a, you know, I got... my house is a mess.
拉儿 她今天早上才跟我说 Lar, she just told me this morning
她周二和周四去的那家搬出城了 her Tuesday-Thursday moved out of town.
正好她想找个活儿给补上 She's got an opening she's trying to fill.
- 真的吗？ - 真的 - Really? - Yeah.
- 我…我接了 - 你会非常开心的 - I'll... I'll take it. - You'll be very happy.
- 但是周一和周三还是我家的 - 是 没错 当然了 - But Monday-Wednesday is mine. - Yeah, yeah. Of course.
好嘞 她交给你了 我跟她讲一下 All right. She's yours. I'm gonna go tell her.
但是让里昂离她远点儿 拜托了 But keep Leon away from her, please.
这我可保证不了 That I can't guarantee.
一个性爱娃娃？ 我…你想什么呢？ A sex doll? I, I... What are you thinking about?
- 给我整懵了 - 为什么？ - I don't even understand. - Why?
你为什么要送我一娃娃？ Why'd you send a doll like that to my house?
嘿 弗莱迪！ 我订的那份呢？ Hey, Freddy! Where's my section?
莫克叔 您再找找 能找到 Uncle Moke, just look around. You'll find it.
多看看 准能找到 你喜欢吗？ Take a look around. You'll find it. You like it?
- 是恶作剧礼物吗？ 你送我的… - 不 不 不 是正儿八经的礼物 - A gag gift? You're sending me... - No, no, no. It's a real gift.
- 你没有过吗？ - 你觉得我会去干一个娃娃？ - You've never had one? - You think I'm gonna fuck that doll?
- 是啊 是啊 你就没玩过吗？ - 没有！ - Yeah, yeah. Have you ever played around with 'em? - No!
就先抱它呗 不管你喜欢什么套路 You cuddle it, whatever your journey is.
- 不 不 我不知道啊 - 不是 不是 我没啥套路 - No, no. I don't know. - No, no. That's not my journey.
- 我可不知道 - 我不会这么做的 我不会去上一个娃娃 - I don't know what it is. - I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna fuck a doll.
- 你也有一个吗？ - 有一对呢？ - You have one of these? - Couple of 'em.
- 你还有一对儿 - 我喜欢 我舒服 我健康 - You've got a couple. - I love it. I'm comfortable. I'm healthy.
情况就这么个情况 不会生病 That's where we're at. No disease.
感觉很好 它是和你产生连接的东西 It feels good. It's something you're connecting to.
你也会有很棒的性幻想 没差的 You got a good imagination, same thing.
你怎么想的 娃娃就变怎么样的 The doll is whatever you want it to be.
也许你应该试试尸体 Maybe you should try necrophilia.
现在你举的是不同的一种怪癖 Now you're picking different hang-ups.
我不是这个意思 我是说娃娃… I'm not saying that. I'm saying the doll's...
你对很多东西都开放嘛 You're open to so many things.
- 我对感觉很好的东西开放 - 上一个死掉的女人 - I'm open to something that feels good. - Fuck a dead woman.
如果我想干一个死掉的女人 If I want to fuck a dead woman,
我会去干娃娃 懂吗？ 这样 我就不会去干一个死女尸 I'll fuck the doll. Okay? And that way, I don't have to fuck a dead woman.
- 你有马蒂的消息吗？ - 他在中国 过得不错 - You hear from Marty? - He's in China. He's doing great.
他遇到一个女生 真的女生 不是娃娃 He met a girl, a real girl, no doll.
- 中国女生？ - 对 他给我发了一封邮件 他很喜欢那儿 - Chinese girl? - Yeah. He sent me a nice e-mail. He's lovin' it.
- 打扰一下 不供翻阅 - 我没翻阅 - Excuse me. No browsing. - I'm not browsing.
- 把杂志放回去或者买了它 谢谢 - 我没翻阅 - Put the magazine away or buy it, please. - I'm not browsing.
- 别烦我 - 你已经在这儿看了至少十分钟了 - Leave me alone. - You have been here for at least ten minutes.
没问题 他买了 我付钱 No problem. He's gonna buy it. I'm a buyer.
- 噢 这位是您的父亲吗？ - 是的 他就是看看 我来买 - Oh, this is your father? - Yeah, he's just looking. I'm a buyer.
莫克 Moke.
- 你买下了吗？ - 当然 我买了 - 莫克 - You buying this? Of course I'm gonna buy it. - Moke.
网上免费黄片多得很 为什么还看杂志啊？ All the free porn on the Internet. Why stick with magazines?
- 网上有吗？ - 有啊 你有电脑吗？ - It's on the Internet? - Yeah. Do you have a computer?
有的 我孩子给我买了一个电脑 但我不用 Yeah. My kids bought me a computer, but I don't use it.
这个嘛 莫克 这儿有的 Well, Moke, everything here
网上点一下全都有了 is a click away on the Internet.
得了吧 别蒙我 Come on. Don't kid me.
- 我没蒙你 莫克 - 你确定？ - I'm not kidding you, Moke. - You sure?
- 莫克 我没开玩笑 - 别想蒙我 - Moke, I am not kidding. - Just don't kid me.
- 回去看看 - 我可真的会看哦 - Check it out. - Maybe I will.
多谢了啊 Thanks a lot.
卡罗尔 你到底瞧上这男的哪儿了？ Now, Carol, what exactly do you see in this man?
你这什么破问题啊？ What kind of question is that?
- 我觉得这是个好问题 - 我觉得在这… - I think it's a good question. - I think behind those...
- 黑衣之下 包裹着… - 非常浮夸一男的？ - dark clothes lies a... - Very pretentious man?
黑衣服怎么了？ 我一直穿黑的 What's wrong with dark clothes? I always wear black.
他觉得大家都能察觉到他穿一身黑 He thinks people are aware that he dresses in black.
约翰尼卡什(Johnny Cash)：美国乡村音乐歌手，有"黑衣人"的称号
他觉得自己是约翰尼卡什 He thinks he's like Johnny Cash.
- 为什么你总是穿黑色 - 对啊 为什么？ - Why do you always wear black? - Yeah. Why?
我做喜剧四十八年了大家就期待我… I've been a comic 48 years, and people expect me to be...
没人在乎 Nobody gives a fuck.
有人觉得冷吗？ 你冷吗？ Is anyone else cold? Are you cold?
- 有点儿凉 - 我突然觉得好冷啊 - A little chilly. - I'm cold suddenly.
真希望我带了件羊毛衫或者什么的 I wish I'd brought a cardigan or something.
- 我们打开加热灯吧 - 噢 好啊 这就好了 - We can turn on the heat lamp. - Oh, yeah. That would be great.
呃 打扰一下 Um, excuse me.
请问我们可以打开加热灯吗？ Do you have any problem if we turn on the heat lamp?
- 她很冷 - 我们这边儿挺热的 - She's very cold. - We're hot over here.
- 我们挺好的 挺好 - 我们这儿刚刚好 - We're fine. It's okay. - We're good here. It feels great.
- 但你知道吧 两桌共用一个加热灯 - 这个嘛 我们有七个人 - You know, the heat lamp's for both tables. - Well, we have seven.
是啊 我们有七个人而且我们觉得没毛病 Well, but we have seven people here and we're fine.
- 你们就三个人 - 少数服从多数 - You have three people there. - You're outvoted.
是的 我 我知道 但是她很冷 Yeah, I, I, I know, but she's cold,
冻着比热着难受吧 and it's worse to be cold, than hot.
不 热着比冻着难受 No, it's actually worse to be hot than cold.
- 你怎么判断的？- 因为如果你冷的话 你可以一直加衣服 - How do you figure? - Because when you're cold, you can put more things on.
但你热的话 就那么几件可以脱 When you're hot, you can only take so much off.
行吧 这个论点不错 但前提要有衣服可以加 Okay, well, that's a good point, if there are more things to put on.
但是这儿没衣服可加 But there aren't more things to put on.
- 这儿有 给她穿上 - 噢 可真有意思 混蛋 - Here. Have her wear that. - Oh, that's funny, asshole.
哎 我们不是雪人 我们需要热乎点儿 Look, we're not snowmen. We need some heat.
嘿 我刚想到 Hey. I just thought of something.
- 我妈的貂皮披肩 - 噢 - My mother's old mink stole. - Oh.
我已经干洗过了 就在我车里 我去拿 I'm getting it dry-cleaned. It's in my car. Let me go get it.
- 谢谢你 这就太好了 - 是啊 - Thank you. No, that would be so nice. - Yeah.
我真的非常感谢 拉里 I really appreciate that, Larry.
- 噢 好的 - 谢谢你 拉里 - Oh, sure. - Thank you, Larry.
- 谢谢你 拉里 - 等着看吧 - Thank you, Larry. - Wait till you see this thing.
- 非常漂亮 - 谢谢 拉里 - It's a beauty. - Thanks, Larry.
- 我说 这都 这都什么一群混蛋啊 - 噢 他走了 哇哦 - I mean, what a, what a bunch of douche bags. - Oh, there he goes. Wow.
- 他是要去取暖了吗？ - 我的天呐 - Is he going to get warm? - My God.
- 来啦 看看 - 噢 - There we go. Look at this. - Aw.
- 瞧瞧 多漂亮 - 哈？ 你喜欢吗？ - Look, how beautiful. - Huh? Do you like that?
- 谢谢你 - 美衣配美人 - Thank you. - Beauty on beauty.
- 真貂 可是真貂 - 你也太暖了吧 - Real mink. Real mink. - So sweet of you.
你们知道吗？事实上 呃 You know what? Actually, uh,
这让我想起来 this reminds me of
小时候我妈也有一件这样的披肩 a stole my mother had when I was a little girl.
- 哇哦 没开玩笑吧 - 没有 - Wow. No kidding. - Yeah.
她常常把我裹起来保暖 She used to wrap me up in it to keep me warm.
是啊 我记得那时候我才十二岁 Yeah. And I remember when I was 12,
我爸爸和妈妈带我去看《一笼傻鸟》 my dad and mom took me to see La Cage aux Folles.
- 噢 《一笼傻鸟》 - 你也看过？ - Oh, La Cage aux Folles. - You remember that?
是啊 我看过 在百老汇 Yeah, I remember. That was on Broadway, yeah.
那真是个美好的夜晚 然后我们出了影院 It was such a great night. And then when we came out,
我们 呃… we, uh...
我们打不到车 因为… yeah, we couldn't get a cab, because...
因为都载客了 所以我们决定去坐地铁 well, they were all taken, so we decided to take the subway.
但是 呃… But, um...
在站台上 我 呃… on the platform, my, uh,
我妈和我爸吵得很凶 my mom and dad got in a really big fight,
然后他们开始互相推攘 然后… and they started pushing each other, and...
然后那件披肩 就… and the stole, it...
掉到了轨道上 it landed on the tracks.
噢 我的天呐 Oh, my God.
我看到了列车的光 然后我… I saw the lights of the train, and I...
我听见了… 列车的鸣笛 I heard the... the honk of the train,
然后我妈妈 她… and my mom, she...
她跳到轨道上 很快地一下 she jumped onto the tracks, just really quickly,
为了捡起那条披肩 因为… just to grab the stole, because...
因为那对她意义重大 it meant so much to her.
然后就… And then...
她试着翻回来 她试着… she tried to get back up, she tried to...
- 原路返回 但是… - 噢 不要吧 - to scratch her way back up, but... - Oh, come on.
噢 我的天呐 是这样的故事 Oh, my God. What a story.
噢 上帝啊 那鸣笛 我… Oh, my God. The horn. I just...
那声鸣笛 The sound of the horn.
- 噢 宝贝 我 噢… - 对不起 对不起 对不起 - Oh, baby. I'm, oh... - I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
- 实在对不起！ - 天呐 非常抱歉 - I'm sorry! - Geez. I'm so sorry.
我都没有什么可以纪念她的东西 I just have so little to remember her by.
你看 要是 要是这对你意义重大 我… You know what, if it means that much to you, I...
我 我想你留着它 I, I want you to have it.
- 我想你拿着 我想让你留着 - 什么？ - I want you to have it. I want you to keep it. - What?
- 真的吗？ - 我很肯定 卡罗尔 收下吧 - Really? - I'm positive. Carol, please.
- 收下这件披肩 - 不 你拿走吧 - Keep the stole. - No, you take it.
不 我送给你了 No, I'm giving it to you.
- 真的吗？ - 她说了她都没有什么东西能去怀念的 - Really? - She said she has so little to remember her by.
- 收下这件披肩 - 噢 这真是…… 真是太好了 - Keep the stole. - Oh, that's so... That's really nice.
- 谢谢你 - 当然了 要是我母亲也在这儿 - Thank you. - Of course. If my mother were at the table,
我母亲也会送给你的 my mother would give it to you, you know.
- 不 她应该不会 - 谢谢你 - No, she wouldn't, but, you know. - Thank you.
噢 手机响了 Oh, I'm buzzing.
噢 朋友们 我得工作去了 我得走了 Oh, guys, I gotta go to work. I gotta go.
- 噢 不 - 我还没吃上午饭呢 - Oh, no. - I didn't even get to have lunch.
- 拜 宝贝 - 照顾好自己 宝贝 - Bye, baby. - Take care, baby.
- 谢谢你 - 嗯 不客气 - Thank you. - Yeah, you're welcome.
- 再见了 - 好好穿着那披肩吧 - Bye, you guys. - Enjoy that stole.
拜拜 我过会儿打给你 Bye-bye. I'll speak to you later.
我的天啊 Oh, my God.
真可怜 一个十二岁的小女孩 The poor thing. Imagine being a 12-year-old girl,
眼睁睁看着妈妈被车撞死 seeing your mother get hit by a train,
就为了一件貂皮披肩 哎！ going after a mink stole, ugh!
每天早晨醒来 一睁眼... Wouldn't you wake up every morning, boom...
难道不会又想起那个鸣笛声？ The horns, do you think of the horns?
她怎么还能马上去工作？ I mean, how do you even go to work after that?
她... 她是做什么的？ What, what... What does she... What does she do?
职业哭手 She's a professional crier.
什么？什么手？ What? A what?
她是个职业哭手 She's a professional crier.
她受雇到婚礼上 葬礼上 She's hired to cry at weddings,
或者有时候去电视节目里哭 and funerals, or sometimes TV shows.
你知道 如果有悲伤的场景 You know, if there's a sad moment,
她就在背景里抽泣 she's in the background sobbing.
天啊 Oh, my God.
怎么了？你在担心什么？ What's wrong with you? What are you worried about?
我担心我的貂皮披肩刚刚被骗走了 I'm worried I just got fleeced for a mink stole.
- 你个混蛋 居然敢这么想？ - 混蛋？ - You piece of shit. How dare you? - Piece of shit?
- 居然敢这么想？ - 认真的吗？你想想看 - How dare you? - Are you kidding? I mean, think about it.
你听了那样的故事 还能说出这种话？ You can hear that, and say something like that?
嘿 我问问你 Hey, let me ask you something.
你们有没有过吵架的时候 Have you guys ever had a disagreement of any kind,
她突然就开始哭了？ where perhaps she started crying?
- 嗯 有几次... - 什么时候？ - Yeah, a few times... - What?
- 因为什么吵的？ - 你知道的 吃饭 - What was the disagreement? - You know, dinner.
她想吃中餐 我想吃意餐 She wanted Chinese, I wanted Italian.
- 然后她就在公开场合哭了... - 噢 - So she wept openly and... - Oh.
对 然后你就依她了... 就吃了中餐 Yeah, and you went down... And you had Chinese food.
- 中餐 确实 - 我的天啊 得了吧！ - Chinese, we did. - Oh, my God. Come on!
- 难以置信！ - 别假装自己是佩里梅森 - This is unbelievable! - Don't Perry Mason her.
佩里梅森(Perry Mason)： 美国侦探小说家厄尔·史丹利·贾德纳笔下的刑事辩护律师，擅长找出案件中的真凶
她把我的貂皮披肩骗走了 真不可思议！ She fucking conned me out of that mink stole. This is incredible!
- 我不需要相信你的说法 - 你看到了！ - I don't have to buy your defense on this. - You saw it!
你亲眼目睹了 她就是个骗子哭手 You witnessed it. She's a con crier.
- 那你想让我怎么办？ - 真不敢相信我把她的故事当真了 - So what do you want me to do? - I can't believe I fell for that story.
喔... 披肩掉到地铁下面了！ Oh... the stole was on the subway!
还有鸣笛声 那鸣笛声！ And the horn, the horn!
我想要回我的披肩 好吗？ I want that stole back, okay?
- 拉里先生！嘿！ - 噢！嘿！ - Mr. Larry! Hey! - Oh! Hey!
我把窗户和灯罩都擦干净了 I clean all the windows and all the mantles.
- 噢 - 都特别脏 - Oh. - They were so dirty.
- 我把门把手也擦亮了 - 真好 - And I polished all the doorknobs. - Good.
- 谢谢你 真谢谢你 - 不客气 - Thank you so much. Thank you very much. - You're welcome.
- 不客气 - 谢谢 - You're welcome. - Thank you.
拉里先生 那个是什么？ What, what is this, Mr. Larry?
噢 那是... Oh. It's a...
是个玩偶 That's a doll.
- 什么玩偶？ - 呃 你知道的 我收集它们 - What kind doll? - Eh, you know, I collect them.
就像 呃 大型的泰迪熊 They're like, uh, big teddy bears. Yeah.
你收集大型塑料玩偶？ You collect big plastic dolls?
是的 是的 我收集 它们 嗯... Yes, yes. I do. They, um...
它们通常都会附带衣服 They normally come with clothes.
- 是啊 她光着身子 - 对 是光着 - Yeah, she's naked. - Yeah, it's naked, yeah.
他们忘记寄衣服了 我也不知道为什么 They forgot to send the clothes for some reason. I don't know why.
你知道 会配套很多不同的衣服 You know, they come with a lot of different outfits.
- 噢 就像美国女孩玩偶 - 对！ - Oh, like the, this American Girl. - Yes!
就像美国女孩！没错 Like the American Girl! Right, right.
是的 有护士装 Yeah, they have a nurse's outfit,
空姐装 啦啦队长装 they have a flight attendant, a cheerleader.
甚至还有 呃 女佣装！ They even have, um, a, a maid!
噢！你知道吗？ Oh! So, you know what?
让我擦擦它 有点脏 Let me clean it, 'cause it's a little bit dirty.
噢 不 你不用... Oh, no. You know, you don't, no. I...
那是... 你懂的 That's, uh... you know,
它很脆弱 很脆弱 it's very delicate, very delicate.
话说回来 我只是想让你知道 你做的很好 Anyway, I just want you to know, you're doing a fantastic job.
谢谢 我想问一下 Thank you. I wanted to ask you,
我需要调班 uh, I need to switch my days.
- 嗯哼 - 我想周一和周三 - Mm-hmm. - And I would like to work Mondays
到您家里工作 and Wednesdays for you.
不行 那是苏西的日子 No, those are Susie's days.
噢 不 我不会去苏西女士那里工作了 Oh, no. I'm not gonna be working with Miss Susie anymore.
- 什么？你什么意思？ - 她的嘴巴 - What? What do you, what do you mean? - Her mouth.
她总是"操"这个"操"那个 她太粗鲁了 She's like "F" this, "F" that. She's so vulgar.
脏话回响在每个角落 Like, F-bomb for everything.
问题是 我跟她说好了 The thing is, I have kind of an agreement with her.
- 我不能反悔 - 这样 - I can't breach her. - Well,
我只能这样说 我已经有另外一家 all I can say is that I have another family
需要我周二和周四去... that I need to work with on Tuesdays and Thursdays, so...
- 你无论如何都要离开苏西了？ - 对 无论如何 - You're gonna leave Susie, regardless? - Yeah, regardless.
我受不了苏西女士了 I am done with Miss Susie.
好吧 Okay.
- 可以吗？好的 - 嗯 - Yes? Okay. - Ah.
- 下周一见 我去收拾冰箱了 - 再见 - See you next Monday. I'm gonna do the refrigerator. - Bye.
嘿 小咸鱼只能跟披萨一起吃吗？ Hey, do anchovies only go on pizza?
- 还是可以单独吃？ - 嘿 - Or can you eat 'em loose? - Hey.
过来 过来 是你吹起来的？ Come here, come here. You blew it up?
- 嗯 我吹起来的 - 你应该把它扔了 - Yeah, I blew the shit up. - You're supposed to get rid of it.
- 谁 雪莉？ - 噢 雪莉？你还给它起名了？ - Who, Sherry? - Oh, Sherry? You gave it a name?
对 我把她从盒子里拿出来 给她充了点气 Yeah, I mean, I got her out of the box. Give her a little air and shit.
- 噢 所以你是好奇了 - 当然了 - Oh, so you were, you were curious. - Fuck, yeah.
我想知道她是怎么工作的 I wanna see what the fuck she was working with.
嗯 嗯... Yeah. And, uh...
你没有试图跟她亲近吧？ You didn't try and get a little friendly with her, did you?
你他妈想说什么？ What the fuck you trying to say?
- 你跟她亲近了吗？ - 我感觉受到了冒犯 - Did you get a little friendly with her? - I'm insulted.
- 你居然会跟我说这种话 - 里昂 你有没有 - That you would say some shit like that to me. - Leon, did you get
跟她过分亲近？ a little friendly with her, Leon?
- 没有 完全没有 - 嗯？ - Nah. Not at all. - Huh?
你为什么总是这样看我？ Why do you always look at me like this?
我想看穿你的想法 I'm trying to look into your fuckin' brain.
- 这是干嘛？嗯哼 - 我在看你的内心 - What is this? Yeah. Uh-huh. - I'm lookin' into you. Yeah.
看透你的灵魂 You look down into a motherfucker's soul.
你觉得你比我高尚吗 里昂布莱克？ You think you're better than me, Leon Black?
- 我知道我的品性 - 是吗？ - I know my character. - Yeah?
你指控我 And when you accuse me
上那种屁股的时候... of tappin' some ass like that...
这么说吧 我不会放过你的 I wouldn't put it past you, let's just say that.
把那该死的东西扔掉 Get rid of that fucking thing.
别担心 雪莉 Be cool, Sherry.
- 嘿 - 你好吗？ - Hey. - How are you?
- 很好 很好 - 你猜怎么着 拉里？ - Good. Good. - Well, guess what, LD?
- 怎么了？ - 我照你说的做了 - What? - I did what you wanted me to do.
- 没成功 - 噢 - And it didn't work out. - Oh.
卡罗尔还跟我分手了 And Carol broke up with me.
- 真的吗？ - 我去找她 想把你的貂皮要回来 - Really? - I went over there, I asked for your mink back,
她直接哭了 she wept openly,
- 然后把我甩了 - 噢 她又哭了 - and kicked me out of her life. - Oh, she wept openly.
她当初就是这样把我的貂皮骗走的 That's how she got the mink in the first place.
但是你又把我的女人毁了 Yeah, well, you ruined another woman for me.
我本可以跟她生个孩子 成为父亲的 I could've had a baby with this woman and maybe become a father.
孩子？你都两百岁了 还能生孩子？ A baby? You're 200 years old. You're gonna have a baby?
帮帮忙 别再掺合我的事了 Do me a favor. Just stay out of my affairs.
但是貂皮还在她手里 我要拿回来 Meanwhile, she still has the mink, okay? And I'm gettin' it back.
- 不可能 - 我就要拿 - No, you're not. - Yes, I am.
净瞎扯 Aah, bullshit.
那是什么鬼东西？ What the hell is that?
啊 那是... 性爱娃娃 Ah, it's a... It's a sex doll.
- 性爱娃娃 - 嗯 她叫雪莉 - A sex doll. - Yeah. Her name's Sherry.
过来 我介绍你给她 Come on. I'll introduce you to her.
你违约了 You breached.
你郑重承诺 发誓 You made a solemn promise, a vow,
然后你他妈违约了 混蛋 and you fucking breached, asshole.
她本来也要辞职了！她周一和周三 She was quitting! She wasn't working for you
不会为你工作了 就是这样 on Mondays and Wednesdays, that was it.
她不想在这儿工作 她受不了你！ She doesn't wanna work here. She can't stand you!
- 胡说八道！ - 你太粗俗了！ - Oh, that's nonsense! - You're a vulgarian!
你在她旁边说脏话 You use disgusting language around her.
她是个虔诚的天主教女孩 She's a strict Catholic girl.
- 好吧... - 你等一下 - Okay... - Hold on a second, here.
她给你做了饼干？ She make you biscuits?
- 是的 - 真可笑 - Yeah. - Ridiculous.
- 天啊 - 我告诉你 - My God. - Well, I'm gonna tell you
你接下来要做什么 a little something what you're gonna do.
趁着这些饼干还温热 When those biscuits are warm,
你找点锡纸 you're gonna get out some tin foil,
把这些宝贝小饼干包起来 You're gonna wrap those babies up,
送到我办公室 and you're dropping 'em off at my office.
你送饼干的时候 And when you drop off those biscuits,
把我要洗的衣物送到洗衣店 you're gonna pick up my laundry and take it to the Fluff and Fold.
- 明白吗？- 我今天有个影星要过来家里 拉里 - All right? - Yeah, I have a movie star coming over here, Larry.
看看我 只能把从梅茨勒买的预拌沙拉倒出来 And look at me, I'm putting out premade fuckin' salads from Metzler's.
- 梅茨勒 你从梅茨勒买了吃的？- 对 - Metzler's? You got Metzler's? - Yeah.
- 对 我从梅茨勒买了沙拉 - 太棒 我爱梅茨勒！ - Yeah, I got Metzler's. - Fanta... I love Metzler's!
对 然后我得自己收拾 Yeah. And then I gotta clean up myself.
我不知道该怎么收拾 I don't know how to do this fucking shit!
- 要不这样吧？- 什么？ - You know what? - What?
我帮你收拾 I'll help you clean up.
- 拜托 - 我刷碗刷得可好了 - Oh, please. - I'm a fantastic dishwasher.
你知道吗？我把手放进滚水里 Did you know that? I can put my hands in boiling, scalding water,
都毫无感觉 and I don't feel anything.
- 我都用不着手套！- 手伸出来让我瞧瞧 - I don't need gloves! - Let me see those hands.
- 我真的很厉害 - 你这辈子就没刷过碗 - I'm really good. - You've never washed a dish in your life.
我确实是很久没刷过碗了 不过... Well, I haven't washed 'em in a while, but...
你看别人刷碗 就想 You've watched somebody else wash and went,
- "我刷碗肯定也刷得好" - 我知道自己刷得好 - "Oh, I could be good at that. I could do that." - I know I'm a great dishwasher!
- 你从来没刷过！- 用不着你说我没刷过 杰夫！ - You've never washed! - Don't tell me I haven't washed, Jeff!
- 你从来没刷过 - 什么？我没刷过？ - You never washed. - What? I haven't washed?
- 你的手那么柔软 - 我告诉你我要怎么办 - And your hands are soft. - I'll tell you what I'll do.
我现在就把手伸进水池里 你想把水开多热都行 I'll stick my hands in the sink right now. Put it on as hot as you want.
- 你的手又不是特殊材料做的！ - 就是！ - You don't have special hands! - I do have special hands!
- 你的手又不是特殊材料做的！- 就是 非常特殊 - You do not have special hands! - I do. They're very special.
不管水有多热 我都可以伸进去 明白吗？ I'll stick 'em under any hot water you can find, okay?
你疯了！ That's insane!
听我说 Listen to me.
克莱夫要来了 Clive's coming over.
- 嗯 - 你的语音信箱留言 - Yeah. - The voicemail you left.
克莱夫好像觉得你夸得不够狠 Clive seems to think it was insufficient praise.
- 什么？夸得不够狠？- 对 - What? Insufficient praise? - Yeah.
对 你不够热情 Yeah. You weren't enthusiastic.
- 胡说 - 不 跟那些人说话的时候你得... - That's ridiculous. - No. You gotta... When you talk to these people,
你基本得靠演 you gotta almost give your own performance
来表达你的爱意 about how much you loved it.
好了 你猜啥？他来了 All right. You know what? That's him.
懂吗？ Okay?
顺便说 结束之后你要洗碗 And by the way, you're doing the dishes when we're done.
- 好 好 - 好 你真好 - Great. Great. - Yeah, good. Good for you.
- 苏西 我给你请了位影星 - 啊太好了 - Susie, I brought you a movie star. - Ah, bravo!
- 嘿！- 太好了！你演得真好 - Hey! - Bravo! What a performance.
- 哦谢谢 - 哦天啊 - Oh, thank you. - Oh, my God.
- 感谢邀请 - 影星 - Thanks for inviting me over. - Movie star.
- 拉里大卫 - 嘿 - Larry David. - Hey.
太好了 Fantastic.
吃吧 我们去了那家新开的三明治店 So, just dig in. We went to this new sandwich place.
- 那家店叫什么来着 拉里？- 梅茨勒 - What's the name of it, Lar? - Yeah, Metzler's.
- 梅茨勒 应该很好吃吧 - 是啊 看起来很好 - Metzler's. So, they're supposed to be fantastic. - Yeah, it looks great.
英国有黄瓜三明治 对吧？ In the UK they have, uh, cucumber sandwiches, right?
- 馅料只有黄瓜吗？- 不 还有奶油奶酪 - Just, just cucumbers? - No, there's cream cheese in there.
- 是吗？- 对 我们有很多种三明治 - Oh, there is? - Yeah, we have a lot of different sandwiches.
嗯 Yeah.
嘿 克莱夫 我... Hey, Clive. Uh, I...
我想道歉 如果我... You know, I want to apologize if, um...
我的语音信箱 我的留言 my, my voicemail, my message
- 哪里冒犯到你了的话 - 是有点怪哈？ - offended you in any way. - A little weird, no?
- 我不擅长留言 - 真的吗？ - You know, I'm not good at voicemails. - Really?
是啊 我给女人留言的时候 Yes. When I would leave a message on, on,
总是惹来麻烦 on a woman's phone, I would always get in trouble
然后跟她就没下文了 我就是不擅长 and the relationship would be over. I'm just no good at it.
嗯 但是奇怪的事是 Yeah, but the weird thing is, you know,
如果你去看剧 你不喜欢 if you go and see a play and you don't like it,
你不会特意留言说不喜欢 对吧？ you kind of don't leave a message, do you?
- 不 但我很喜欢 我... - 真的吗？ - No, but I did like it. I... That's, that's... - Really?
- 对 - "嗨 我是拉里大卫 - Yes. - "Hi. This is Larry David.
"我想说我很喜欢这部剧 演得好" I just want to say I really enjoyed the show. Good job."
我刚才说了 我不擅长...如果是当面夸赞的话 Yeah. Like I said, I'm not, I'm not good with... If it was in person,
- 我要热情得多 - 真的吗？ - I would have been much more effusive. - Really?
- 是 - 那... - Yeah. - So...
现在很难说出口 因为...你知道 I mean, it's hard to do now. Bec... You know, it's...
就像模仿名人一样 很难说来就来 It's like doing an impression for somebody. It's hard to just do it on command.
- 你能模仿名人？- 对 我经常模仿 我能... - You do impressions? - Yeah. I do a lot. I can...
雷蒙德马西(Raymond Massey)： 加拿大演员，因在《伊利诺伊州的林肯》中扮演林肯获得奥斯卡最佳男主角提名
我可以模仿在扮演林肯的雷蒙德马西 I can do Raymond Massey from, uh, doing Lincoln.
扮演林肯的雷蒙德马西 前所未见！ Raymond Massey as Lincoln. You never see that!
"家庭内讧难维系" "A house divided against itself cannot stand."
总之 我超级感动的 克莱夫 Well, I was so moved, Clive.
这个角色的感染力那么强 The pathos of this character.
- 他的胜利和耻辱... - 谢谢 - The triumph and the disgrace of his... - Thank you.
- 谢谢 - 嗯！嗯！嗯！嗯嗯！ - Thank you. - Mmm! Mmm! Mmm! Mmm-mmm!
天啊 哦 太难以置信了 Oh, my God. Oh. This is unbelievable!
这个梅茨勒的三明治？人间顶级美味 This Metzler's? Best, the best.
你看 那才是真的夸赞 You see that? That is genuine praise.
我演一出剧要演九十分钟 I do a fucking play for 90 minutes,
深挖钻研 用尽浑身解数 digging deep and doing everything I can,
区区三明治竟然得到了你的这种夸赞 and you give that for a sandwich.
所以你确实会夸赞 只不过不夸我罢了 So you do do praise, just not for me.
那种夸赞的方法 不是用来夸人的 You know, that, that kind of thing, that's not for people.
那是夸三明治的 夸打得好的铁 That's for sandwiches, a well-struck iron,
- 夸一记漂亮的高尔夫球 - 你知道要付出什么吗？ - a good golf shot. - Do you know what it takes?
一个人在台上站九十分钟 独角戏 Stand up there for 90 minutes, on your own, a one-man play?
- 嗯 - 演那样的严肃主题 你知道要付出什么吗？ - Mm. - A serious subject like that. Do you know what it costs?
肯定很辛苦 Must be quite grueling.
别人会想 为什么会有人愿意演 One wonders why somebody would do it.
他这是来真的吗？ Is he for real?
不 我就是想说 似乎... No, I'm just saying. It seems...
有点疯狂 a little crazy.
你看剧的时候就是这种想法？ That's what you thought when you came to see the play?
你觉得 有人愿意演 这很疯狂 You thought it's crazy that someone would do this.
有点吧 Well, kinda.
- 不 克莱夫 - 克莱夫！ - No, Clive. - Clive, Clive!
- 克莱夫！- 克莱夫！拜托！ - Clive, Clive! - Clive! Come on!
- 克莱夫！- 克莱夫！ - Clive! - Clive!
嗨 你好吗 莱昂内尔？ Hi. How you doin', Lionel?
你好吗 丹森先生？ How you doin', there, Mr. Danson?
需要你签个字 Just need your signature real quick.
- 你今天还好吗？- 好 - How's it going today? - Good.
你跟拉里大卫是朋友 对吧？ You're friends with Larry David, right?
算是吧 Yeah, I suppose.
他在肏娃娃 He's fucking a doll.
什么？ What?
我往他家送了一个充气娃娃 I delivered a blow-up fuck doll to his house.
你怎么知道的？ How could you possibly know that?
包装上写着"远离尖锐物品 私密运送" The package said, "Do not puncture. Discreet delivery."
邮递员一看就懂 Mailmen know.
祝你今天愉快 Have a great day.
- 嗨 - 嘿 - Hi. - Hey.
- 我还有点生气 但我是以朋友身份来的 - 当然 - I'm still a little pissed off, but I come as a friend. - Of course.
- 好 谢谢 - 就是有点事情我觉得你应该知道 - Okay, thank you. - I just have some information I think you ought to know.
你的前夫 他在肏... Your ex-husband, he's fucking...
性爱娃娃 就是告诉你一声 a sex doll, just so you know.
相当于他把老二插进气球里 He's basically sticking his penis in a balloon.
见到你很开心 Good to see you.
- 拉里！你好呀 - 吃了没 - Larry! How are you? - How do you do?
- 你吃了没 - 你又吃了没 - How do you do? - How do you do?
吃了 吃了 I do well. I do well.
- 你想进来吗？还是... - 不 我想还是不用了 - Do you want to come in, or... - No, I don't think that'll be necessary.
我一直在想我的那件披肩 I've been thinking about the stole.
- 谢谢你 它让我想起我的妈妈 我感到很温暖 - 是 - Thank you. It reminds me of my mom. It's beautiful. - Yeah.
你知道 你当时情绪很大 我替你感到难受 You know, you got so emotional. I felt so terrible.
我不得不把披肩给你 I had to give it to you.
- 我非常感激你 - 是 - I appreciate it so much. - Yeah.
当然呢 后来我知道... Of course, I have since learned that...
你是个职业哭手 你靠这个赚钱 you're actually a professional crier. You do this for a living.
- 是啊 怎么了？ - 所以我就在想... - Yeah? So? - And so what I can't quite figure out is...
我是把披肩送给了... 真正的卡罗尔吗？ did I give that stole to... real Carol?
还是说... Or did I give it to, you know,
我把它送给了职业哭手？ the professional crier?
那样的话可就不太好了 因为那样的话我会觉得我被耍了 'Cause that would be bad. 'Cause then I would feel like I was duped.
谁知道你用哭还做过什么别的事儿 You know. Who knows what else you've cried your way into.
你看这沙发 这茶几 那幅画 The couch, the coffee table, the painting.
- 说不定连房子都... - 行了 那些... - Maybe the house. - Okay. Those...
我那天是真的哭了 拉里 我... Those tears were real, Larry. And I...
我当然在生活中也会哭啊 I obviously cry in real life, too.
- 我是个活生生的人 - 对对对 - I'm a real person. - Yeah. Sure.
你觉得我... You think that I'm...
我为了骗你的披肩... I made up a story about my own mother...
- 你看... - 编排我自己的母亲？ - You see, there. - To get your stole?
你看 你看 来了 There, there, there it is.
看到没？ See?
- 技术含量挺高啊 - 我失去了我的母亲！ - That's very difficult. - I lost my mom!
你确实很专业 No, you're very good at this.
- 如果你真的是在... - 不好意思 - If in fact you're making... - I'm sorry.
- 很难... - 拉里 打住 - Can't quite... - Larry, please.
- 拉里 你给我滚出去！ - 噢！噢！ - Larry, get out! - Oh, oh!
拉里！拉里！ Larry! Larry!
- 嘿 弗莱迪！ - 我正要给你打电话呢 - Hey, Freddy! - I was just about to call you.
- 是吗？ - 你给我惹了个大麻烦 - Really? - You created a real problem
告诉莫克叔叔黄网那事 with Uncle Moke with the Internet porn.
啊 你知道 这总比 Ah, you know, it's, it's better than,
去花钱买那些杂志强 than paying money for those magazines.
不 他现在整体就沉迷这个了 别的啥也不干 No, it's all day. It's a problem. It's all he does.
而且他还在花钱 他现在开始玩色情聊天室了 And he is paying. He's doing the chat rooms now.
不好意思 我也没想到会这样 我只是想帮他省点钱 I'm so sorry. I don't know. I was just trying to save the guy some money.
他上瘾了 你得帮帮忙 It's addiction. You gotta do something.
- 帮帮忙？我能帮什么忙？ - 不管什么 - Do something? What can I do? - Whatever it is,
这算是你造成的 我觉得也得你来帮忙解决 you kind of started it off. I think you should step in.
- 行吧 我回去想想 - 你别回去想想 你得帮忙解决 - All right, I'll think about it. - No, don't think about. Do whatever it is.
我得想啊 我哪知道这要怎么解决 我得... I gotta think about it. I don't know what to do. I gotta, you know,
- 我得想了才知道 - 行 你好好想想 - I gotta think about it. - Okay, that's good.
嘿 你用那个娃娃了吗 Hey, did you hit the doll up yet?
- 没... 没有 - 记得试试啊 - N-No. - Take a shot at the doll.
下面就是... And...
见证奇迹的时刻 尿箱 voilà, the pee cube.
- 我喜欢 - 那当然 - I like it. - You sure do.
- 棒 - 试试？ - Yeah. - Take her for a spin.
- 当然 - 就这样进去 - Sure. - Get on in there, huh?
- 行了 你看看 - 嗯哼 - There you go. Look at that. - Mm-hmm.
- 感觉如何 - 很棒 - How does that feel? - Feels pretty good.
嚯 做出样品来了？ Shit. Got the prototype done, huh?
- 是啊 你来试试？ - 这玩意不行 老弟 - Yeah, you wanna give it a try? - Nah, fuck that, man.
这玩意太浅了 That shit ain't deep enough.
- 什么意思？- 你说什么呢？ - What do you mean? - What are you talking about?
如果你是个鸡鸡小的人 Any motherfucker that come up to that shit,
用这当然没问题 with a little-ass penis, of course it works for them.
但如果你有个大屌 你就得往后站才行 But you got a big-ass johnson, you gotta stand a little further back, see,
这样才不会溅出来 so your johnson don't overshoot
溅在后面的背板上 明白吗 我也不是在吹 and hit the back of that motherfucker. I'm not bragging and shit,
但我曾经 可是让人把我自己的屌从后面拉到屁股那儿的 but I had a lady give me a wedgie with my own goddamn johnson.
行了 我们搞完了没？呃 你能... Okay. Are we done here? Uh, can you get...
- 你能现在就开始做这个吗？ - 可以 当然可以 - Can you get to work on this thing right away? - Yeah, of course. Yeah.
- 我马上就开始 - 嘿 我们先来对一下时间表 - Yeah. I'll get right on it. - Hey. Let's talk timeline.
- 哦 好的 - 你这样品做得挺屌的 - Oh, okay. Yeah. - Prototype is pretty fuckin' good, though, man.
- 谢谢你的夸奖 - 你手艺挺牛逼啊 - Thanks, man. I appreciate that. - You do goddamn good work.
唔 Hmm.
- 嘿 - 嘿 - Hey. - Hey.
- 嘿 - 你在干嘛呢 - Hey. - What are you doing?
你干嘛呢 What are you doing?
你来拉家拿铁有何贵干啊 What brings you to Latte Larry's?
呃 克莱夫欧文 他不行了 Uh, Clive Owen. He's a mess.
自从你给他留言 Ever since you left him that message
和上次在我家那次之后... and the other day at the house...
- 什么 那次午饭？ - 他完全失去了自信 - What, at lunch? - He's lost all confidence.
演得也没以前好了 他的演技受影响了 His shows are not as good. It's affecting his performances.
- 真的吗？ - 是啊 以前他能把观众演哭 现在没人哭了 - Really? - Yeah. People used to weep. Nobody's weeping.
两天后就要公演了 And we open in two days,
我怕那些戏剧评论家要把他活活骂死 and I'm scared that the critics are gonna kill him.
哦 天哪 Oh, boy.
我得想想办法 我想不出来 I gotta do something, and I don't know what.
噢 Oh.
- 路易斯的女朋友 - 怎么了？ - Lewis's girlfriend. - Yeah?
- 卡罗尔 - 她怎么了？ - Carol. - Yeah?
她是个职业哭手 She's a professional crier.
- 是吗？ - 开幕那天你找她去现场 - Yeah? - Hire her for opening night.
让她坐在观众席 她想哭就能哭 Let her sit in the audience, she'll sob away.
- 真的吗？ - 她一哭 - Really? - Once she starts sobbing,
全场都会跟着哭 哭能传染的 everyone else will start sobbing. Sobs are contagious.
- 越多人哭越好啊 - 废... 对啊 越多越好 - You can never have enough criers. No. - Abs... I know. You can't.
那是什么东西？ What the hell is that?
我的傻朋友 That, my stout friend,
那是小便器的革命 is a urinal revolution.
康提基号 她是一艘好船 She's a good ship, the Kon Tiki.
我给她起名叫康提基号 I named her Kon Tiki
致敬秘鲁的太阳神 in memory of the Peruvian sun god.
现在 我在这里 And here I am,
跟随着提基的脚步 following in Tiki's footsteps.
我唯一的同伴是一只鹦鹉 My only companion was a parrot
它是个小偷渡客 that had snuck aboard.
- 他状态不太好 - 我曾经经历过险境 - He's not doing good. - Used to be a tough school.
在开始的几周... Those first few weeks...
在秘鲁寒流中 in the Humboldt Current.
- 她在哪里？ - 出航之前 - Which one is she? - Before this journey,
- 我的人生曾... - 噢 她在那 - my life was... - Oh, there she is.
她穿着我妈妈的披肩 She's got my mother's stole on.
她穿着那件披肩 She's wearing the stole.
我的人生终于有了意义 但风却消失了 I have the purpose, but not the wind.
现在我感受不到白天 感受不到黑夜 只能感受到无尽的... Now there is no day, no night, just the relentless...
啊 你快看那边 她要开始了 Ah. There. She's gonna start.
只有我独自一人 I am completely alone.
连我的鹦鹉罗瑞塔都死去了 Even my parrot Lorita has perished.
死去了 Perished.
罗瑞塔 Lorita.
死去了！ Perished!
你看 进入状态了 Look out. It's really catching on now.
我把我最后的希望和信物交给大海 I give my last will and testament to the waves
这不会为我哭泣的大海 who refuse to weep with me.
我的墓志铭将被刻在浪花上 My final epitaph written in the froth and the foam.
同情我这个 Pity the man, who thought
以为自己能够回到过去的人吧！ he could go back in time.
再见了 康提基号 Goodbye, Kon Tiki.
不！ No!
远处 那难道是？ From a distance, could it be?
是陆地！ It's land!
噢！感谢上天 提基！ Oh! Praise be, Tiki!
感谢上天！ Praise be!
好！好！ Yeah! Yeah!
好啊！哇！ Bravo! Wow!
- 太棒了！ - 好！ - Yes! Yes! Yes! - Yeah.
谢谢 效果拔群啊 她太厉害了 Thank you. Worked like a charm. She did great.
抱歉 借过 抱歉 Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me.
嘿 卡罗尔 卡罗尔 Hey, Carol. Carol.
哦 拉里 你好！ Oh, Larry, hi!
- 你好 - 你还好吗？ - Hi. - How are you?
好 那 呃... Good. So, um...
我只是想祝贺你做出了... I just wanted to congratulate you on that...
那么精彩的表演 magnificent performance.
哦 这出剧目就很情绪化 Oh. It was a very emotional play.
对 它真的很特别 Yeah, it was really special.
我终于看到了你工作时是怎样的 I really got to see you do your thing.
- 嗯 - 而我看得越多 - Mm-hmm. - And the more I watched you,
我就越相信 the more I'm convinced
那天吃午饭时在桌子上你做的 that what you did at the table at lunch that day
是完全骗人的 was total bullshit.
- 哇 - 你母亲根本没掉在地铁轨道上 - Wow. - Your mother didn't fall into the subway tracks.
这是我听过的最扯淡的故事 That's a cock-and-bull story if I ever heard one.
- 把披肩还我 - 你太粗鲁了 - Give me the stole back. - You're just being rude.
- 卡罗尔 把披肩给我 - 放开...拉里！ - Carol, give me the stole. - Get... Larry!
嘿 Hey.
- 嘿 你们怎么了？ - 拉里 这... - Hey, hey, hey. What's the problem? - Larry, this is...
出什么事了？ What's going on?
听我说 她是个职业哭手 Okay. She's a professional crier,
她把那条披肩从我这儿骗了过去 and she conned her way into getting that stole off me.
- 这是我母亲的披肩 - 抱歉 警官 他是在嘲讽我 - It's my mother's stole. - Excuse me. Officer, he is mocking me.
他给了我这条披肩 我母亲过世了 He gave me this stole. My mother passed away.
这条披肩让我想起了她 And this stole reminds me of her.
- 而我只有这个念想了 - 好吧 你看到了吗？ - And this is all I've got. - Okay. You see?
- 还是同一个故事 - 这是我唯一能够 - This is the same story. - This is the only thing I've got
- 怀念她的东西了 - 她给我讲了同一个故事 - to remember her by. - She told me the same story about,
说在地铁里的故事 about being in a subway.
但是她夺走了我的披肩 But she took that stole from me.
那是我母亲的披肩 That's my mother's stole.
她...我继承了那条披肩 She... I inherited that stole.
- 是她给我的 - 你不能要回去！ - She gave it to me. - You can't take it back!
停下 停下 嘿 嘿 两位 Stop. Stop it. Hey. Hey, guy.
- 嘿 你们干嘛呢？ - 我想要我的披肩！ - Hey, what are you doing? - I want my stole!
- 我要...啊！ - 嘿 嘿 - I want... Aah! - Hey, hey.
嘿 你干嘛呢？ Hey, what are you doing?
- 哭？ - 不 那才叫哭 你这不是哭 - Crying? - No, that's crying. That's not crying.
- 不 她没有！ - 我在哭！ - No, she's not! - I'm crying!
我在哭 拉里！ I'm crying, Larry!
- 这和我雇她来哭得一样！ - 好了 我们走走吧 - I paid her to cry like this! - All right, let's walk it off.
- 走？她是 她是个顶级骗子！ - 散散心吧 行了 - Walk it off? She's a, she's a bullshit artist! - Let's take a walk. I know.
- 我懂 来吧 我们走走 - 谢谢你 警官 - I know. Come on. Let's walk it off. - Thank you, Officer.
抱歉 Excuse me.
- 哦 你好 - 你好 - Oh. Hi. - Hi.
我 呃...我在那里忍不住注意到了你 I, uh... I couldn't help noticing you out there.
你看上去很感动 真的很打动我 You seemed very moved. It was very inspiring.
哦 应该说 是你打动了我 你的表演太棒了 Oh, I mean, you inspired me. Your performance was incredible.
说真的 你刚才...太棒了 Honestly, you were... It was amazing.
- 你叫什么名字？ - 我是卡罗尔 - Wh-what's your name? - I'm Carol.
我是克莱夫 I'm Clive.
我知道 I know.
里昂！ Leon!
里昂 我的夹克在哪？ Leon, where's my jacket?
里昂！ Leon!
里昂！你他妈做了什么？ Leon! What the hell's going on?
你说你要放掉它的气的 You said you were going to deflate it.
你猜啥？我是没抽出空来 我会... You know what? I didn't get around to it. I'll...
- 忘了这事 - 忘了这事 - Slipped my mind. - Slipped your mind.
- 本来记得 转眼就忘了 - 你知道我怎么想吗？ - It was there, then the shit was gone. - You know what I think?
我觉得你给它起了名字 把她留在房子里 I think you gave it a name. You're keeping it around the house.
你没法扔掉她 你是在上她 不是吗？ You can't get rid of this thing. You're fuckin' her, aren't you?
我才不会坐这听你满嘴胡说呢 I'm not gonna sit here and let you do this shit to me right now.
- 哦 你不吗？ - 我才不呢 - Oh, you're not? - No, I'm not.
好 你知道吗？ Okay. Well, you know what?
和她说再见吧 因为我现在就要把她的气放掉 Say goodbye to her, 'cause I'm deflating her right now.
- 操你 拉里 - 操你 里昂 - Fuck you, Larry. - Fuck you, Leon.
操你 拉里 Fuck you, Larry.
雪莉 再见了 Be good, Sherry.
拉里先生！ Mr. Larry!
我找到你的夹克了... I found your jack...
太恶心了！ Asco!
- 不 不 我受够了！ - 哦！ - No. No. Basta! - Oh!
- 你是个变态 - 不 我不是！ - Eres un pervertido. - No, no, no!
我辞职了！你比苏西小姐还糟糕！ I quit! You're worse than Miss Susie!
不 我只是在给她放气！ No, I'm just deflating her!
不！等等！不! No! Wait! No!
哦 天啊！ Oh, my God!
拉里 Larry.
哦 天啊 Oh, God.
老天 God.
- 哈哈 - 这杯敬这部演出 - Ha-ha. - So, here's to the play.
- 好！ - 康提基号 - Yes! - Kon Tiki.
- 干杯 干杯 - 太棒了 - Cheers. Cheers. - Fantastic.
- 康提基号 - 干杯 - Kon Tiki. - Cheers.
天 那可真是... God, that was just...
嘿 帮我个忙 Hey, do me a favor.
读一条评论吧 Just the one line from the review.
- 哦 算了 - 读啊！必须的！ - Oh, no. - Read it! Yes!
- 快点 老兄 - 你应该自豪的！ - Come on, man. - You should be proud!
想听你用动人悦耳的声音读出来 Want to hear it in your beautiful, dulcet tones.
好吧 就这句 上面说 Okay, here we go. It says,
"克莱夫欧文对托尔海耶达尔的演绎 "Clive Owen's portrayal of Thor Heyerdahl
"就如同他曾航行过的汪洋一般 "is as nuanced, varied, and moving
"细微 多变和动人" as the ocean he traversed."
- 哦 - 太他妈棒了！ - Oh. - Fuck, yes!
- 太他妈棒了！ - 太棒了！ - Fuck yes! - So good!
谢谢你 真心的 Thank you, honestly.
谢谢你促成这一切 Thank you for making it all happen.
- 让我这次很开心 真的 - 我也很开心 - I've had the best time, honestly. - I've had the best time.
是我收到过的最棒的评论 Best reviews I've ever had.
而且 你们知道的 And also, you know,
也让我认识了世界上最 it's introduced me to the most
美丽 动人的女人 beautiful, amazing woman.
谢谢你 克莱夫 Thank you, Clive.
再喝点 Have some more.
嗯 哦 宝贝 我不喝了 要去工作了 Mm. Oh, sweetie, actually, no. I have to go to work.
- 哦 你这么快就走了吗？ - 哦天啊 - Oh, you're leaving so soon? - Oh, my God.
我过得太忙了 I've been so consumed,
我还没问过你是做什么工作的 I haven't even asked you what you do.
我是个职业哭手 I'm a professional crier.
再见 宝贝 再见 大伙 Bye, baby. Bye, guys.
- 谢谢招待！ - 再见 卡罗尔 - Thank you for everything. - Bye, Carol.
卡罗尔 Carol.
- 嘿 宝贝 - 职业哭手 那他妈是什么？ - Hey, baby. - A professional crier. What the fuck is that?
人们付钱让我去哭 电视剧 广告 I get paid to go to, you know, TV shows, commercials.
- 有时去葬礼上 - 有人付钱叫你去葬礼上哭？ - Funerals sometimes. - You get paid to go to funerals and cry?
- 对 这是我的工作 我就做这个 有时... - 我的演出 - Yeah, it's my job. It's what I do. Sometimes... - The play.
你在看演出时哭 那是 那是工作还是真心的？ When you were crying in the play, was that, was that a job or was that real?
不 不 那是真心的 我是说 更多一成 No. No, it was real. I mean, it was 10% more,
- 因为给我付了钱 但我本来也会哭... - 有人给你付钱了吗？ - because that's what I'm paid, but I would have cried... - Did somebody pay you?
- 那是... - 是杰夫付你钱的吗？ - It was... - Did Jeff pay you?
- 不 说真的 我不会... - 所以这一切都是假的 - No. Honestly, I'm not gonna have... - So all of this is fake.
这些都不是真的 None of this has been real.
不 不 这不是假的 克莱夫 No, no, it isn't fake, actually, Clive.
- 不是吗？ - 行 好吧 都是假的！ - Isn't it? - Yes, okay, it is fake!
你就想听这个是吧？都是假的！ Is that what you want to hear? It's fake!
你...别走！ You... Don't go!
松...别碰... Get... Leave my...
卡罗尔 不！卡罗尔！ Carol, no! Carol!
好好享受 Enjoy.
不要上网 Stay off the Internet.
[37:28开始有下集预告]
英语字幕来源：subscene.com 字幕翻译与制作：610/小年糕/CarolGao/LadyM/甜食/白羽黑鹭
里昂！里昂！你在哪？！ Leon! Leon! Where are you?!
- 我在这呢！ - 看我拿到了什么！ - I'm back here! - Look what I got!
我们要好好开心一下了！ We're gonna have some fun!
《消消气》下集预告
我要给杰夫的生日办一场惊喜派对 I'm having a surprise party for Jeff for his birthday.
- 大家都讨厌惊喜派对 - 不 不 不 - People hate surprise parties. - No, no, no, no.
- 你觉得有意思？有意思吗？ - 对 - That's fun? That's fun? - Yes.
没人要... Nobody's doing...
你为什么越过我？ Why did you pass me?
你听到身后的脚步声了吗？ Did you hear footsteps behind you?
我听到脚步然后 一阵风似的就过去了 I heard footsteps and then, whoosh! Right past me.
你应该往右挪 让我过去 You should've moved over to the right to let me pass.
你应该给我一个过的手势 You should've given me one of these.
- 他到了！ - 惊喜！ - He's here! - Surprise!
消消气